Lynn Cole, an acknowledged American mediator
Article in Ona Magazine Oct. 7, 2007-Slovenia
"I will stop wars using mediation."
Lynn Cole is a lawyer with 26 years of experience. However, 6 years ago she completely devoted herself to the alternative resolving of arguments including mediation and arbitration. She intervened in numerous conflicts and established programmes of alternative resolving of arguments in courts in the United States, Jordan and Bulgaria. Last week she passed her knowledge to Slovenian mediators, joined in the Association of Mediators of Slovenia, which organised her visit. Mediation is a way of resolving arguments, where a neutral third person - mediator - helps clients to reach an agreement resolving their conflict and re-establish mutual relationships. Due to its nature, mediation can, in contrary to judicial procedures, lead towards solutions, which are faster, less expensive and more adopted to the interests of the clients. In Ljubljana district court charges were withdrawn and agreements were reached in more than 50 cases last year. The results of Slovenian anonymous survey prove that in 93,9 % of cases the clients are very satisfied with the process of mediation and that mediation helped almost half of the clients to understand the problems of his/her "adversary". Always optimistic Mrs Cole thinks that mediation is advantageous for resolving international conflicts as well as for partnership on the personal level. She uses it at home as well.
Interviewer: Nika VistoropskiPhoto: Roman Sipic
During your more than 26-year career you have mostly won in court and you lost only once. What happened?
I was still a lawyer at that time and I have always prepared exceptionally for my cases. I think that thorough work is not unfamiliar to women. They might be even more precise than men. Well, at least I was. I have always worked very hard. I had to, because I had two little children. In our judicial system we have the jury, as you probably know. People from everywhere listen to evidence. I have never praised problem or exaggerated in front of the jury. I was always trying to tell the truth. I believe that people respond positively to a person who is genuine, who looks in your eyes and does not think that he/she is more important than he/she really is.
I am very happy that I lost at the time. (laughter) This was a valuable experience. This case (my first multimillion case in front of the jury) was also one of my first cases in my personal lawyer practice (before I worked as a prosecutor for the American government). The judge was also new to her position. My "adversary" was very intelligent, much older and experienced attorney, smart as a fox. (laughter) I learned a lot from him. If you are a gladiator in the courtroom you must constantly try to stimulate negative feelings and a strong wish to fight in your clients. No matter how hard I tried to encourage the clients to cooperate in the process, I discovered that courts could not appease the anger people are encouraged to feel in a lawsuit. Many people think that there is no justice. The courts are here to resolve the argument. However, they cannot satisfy feelings and the wish to revenge.
The newest information about women on high positions proves that the myth about the glass ceiling is not true. A smaller number of women on positions requiring higher responsibility are the consequence of numerous obstacles on their way. Communication, which is not verbal, causes them more damage than benefit, while most male colleagues reproach determined women for this very characteristic. How was your professional path?
I learned to avoid female feelings and to operate as neutral as possible. I am very feminine. However, when I worked in the courtroom I never wore provocative clothes, but always suits. If I had problems only for being a woman they were more obvious when I was doing things which women had not been doing until that time. I was a prosecutor and because I was a woman I only had to deal with cases of violation and sexual child abuse. It was very difficult, because in many cases I noticed that the victims needed an extreme support just to participate in the trial and I could not give them this kind of help as a lawyer. So, I established one of the first counselling associations for violated women in the state of Pennsylvania, a group helping women to go through the time in court while it is being decided upon their case. I learned how to be neutral. I had little problem with my femininity nature in the court, but much more at the law school I attended before I started to practice law.
But today you probably do not hide your feminine nature any more?
The society should make bigger progress than it had. We make progress, but slowly, step by step. Today I wear loose and comfortable clothes, I do not put my hair in a bun as I used to in court. As I stopped working in court I do not occupy myself with this any more.
Mediation is an excellent way to save time and money. You are a designer of modern mediation and you hold lectures all around the world. What is the fundamental basis of mediation?
The United States may be considered as one of the beginners of contemporary professional mediation, but we should be very humble as mediation has its origins in the past and has been carried out for centuries. Mohammed, Jesus and Moses used it as well, only in a different way than today. However, its dynamics remain the same. It can be found in the origins of all the Abrahamic religions: Islam, Christianity and Judaism. Lately, I have been preparing an extensive lecture on this subject. In Jordan, mediation was known in tribal traditions. I stayed in this country [Jordan] for many months, because I helped to establish the first judicial programme of mediation in the Arab world.
All that Americans did in the eighties in Florida, where I come from, was to establish mediation in judicial system, to make it professional, and to determine ethnic rules that mediators should consider. Mediation is becoming a global phenomenon. Slovenia is a leading country in this area together with South - Eastern Europe. I am happy to help mediation grow in Slovenia.
Slovenian courts have been using mediation as a process of resolving arguments for 10 years. Since 2002 they have been using it for resolving family arguments and one year later they started using it to resolve economic arguments as well. Another alternative way of resolving arguments is arbitration, which has been lately often mentioned in connection with demarcation of the sea border between Slovenia and Croatia. It takes many years to reach compromise, but when the process begins, the solution is near, especially if compared to international court in The Hague, which takes ten years or more to solve a conflict.
We talk about arbitration when a group of people or an individual decides upon a case. Mediation is more powerful. A neutral mediator helps clients decide on their own and take responsibility for their disagreements. Mediation can be and is used on all levels of society. It is of confidential nature and clients can decide alone. In the process of arbitration the arbitrator makes decisions.
By using mediation we can avoid judicial arrears and it is an exceptional economical measure. For this reason mediation is so beneficial for the country. An average citizen must pay nothing or very little. This is the beauty of mediation and this is why it is becoming global and is spreading very fast. When people sit down and a good mediator teaches them how to listen to the opposite side - not only listen, but also to hear and to process the information - they are able to include what they have heard in their thinking. I taught many women from the Middlel East to mediate; and again and again they have been telling me that they used it when working with bigger corporations as well as when dealing with individuals, their husbands, children and neighbours. It is unbelievable what can be reached by means of mediation.
Which are the basic points of mediation? First to listen, then to hear and reshape…
A good mediator makes the opposite sides sit behind the same table. When you fight and when you are angry you do not communicate well. A good mediator - businessmen also love mediation - paraphrases to one side what the other side wants to tell him/her so that they can hear each other better. So the clients become less emotional and then the dialogue can begin. Clients take responsibility for the disagreement and resolve the problem. The system may not be perfect, but it definitely works.
How do you use it?
I introduce mediation to different judicial usages all around the world. I was in Bulgaria, Jordan and Kosovo. I am successful in resolving business arguments.
Mediation has been used since prehistoric times. Do you think that today it is more difficult to listen to problems and to resolve them? Was it easier before? Are the differences connected with religion as well?
Yes, they are certainly connected with religion. In Jordan mediation spreads very fast and they have special judicial mediators. They are successful in more than 80 % of cases. The situation in Bulgaria is the same. The Dutch are also very successful. All around the world we can see that the system works. The best is that it can adapt to the needs of a particular culture. The heart of the process is that you give power to the clients in the conflict and help them to decide on their own. And how can you make them do that? Well, this is the miracle of mediation.
Some people want to keep their mutual disagreements private and the third person trying to resolve the problem is often unwanted. What kind of experience do you have with that?
Mediation is always voluntary and it has to be accepted by everybody who takes part in the process. There is no constraint and no misleading. You have to encourage people to try. When people decide to try it once, they begin to like it and they want to try it again and again. If mediation proves to be successful in court people start using it in other areas of life as well. Mediation helps communities to become stronger and because of that the whole society becomes more powerful, self-sufficient and capable to resolve internal arguments. Yes, of course particular factors in the country play an important role, but mediation takes that into account. First I meekly enter the society, I listen, I talk and I try to learn the language. People laugh at me, but this is just what I want. Laughter is universal language and so we begin to communicate. You must be humble and always prepared to learn. Mediation has to be presented in an acceptable way, so that it does not cause fear.
So, mediation covers a wide spectrum of efficiency?
Multinational companies use it. For example, it can be useful for a Slovenian company, which is in conflict with a South-African company, because it does not want to start resolving the argument in European court in Luxembourg. Countries are slowly beginning to bind that in the case of conflicts they will first use mediation, then arbitration and courts as a last resort.
Has any research been carried out to show how much money can be saved if we use mediation?
Yes, but they are connected mainly with court. However, the numbers may reach 100.000 euro. A friend from Slovenia told me that she resolved 80 cases, which would probably take many years to be resolved in court and would be very costly for the companies.
Which situations are most frequent for you?
People respond very differently. However, as an experienced mediator you have to be ready to deal with people, which in one moment wish only to jump over the table and to attack the other side. Emotions can be very strong. How do I deal with this? I set rules very clearly. If the clients want to cooperate in the process of mediation, they must respect these rules. If they break them, I warn them that they have accepted the rules of behaviour and usually this is enough. As they know the rules, they respect them. I do not invent the rules. I only persuade the clients that they must obey them.
Are you usually successful in the process of mediation?
In my opinion mediation is successful when both clients learn how to take responsibility for their actions and how to listen to each other. They may not agree immediately, but if they learn the appropriate dynamics to resolve arguments, I consider the mediation successful meaning that clients learned something from the process that they can take with them and bring into their every-day life. I think that I am a successful mediator. I have the statistics, but it is confidential. Anyway I think that it is not important. How to become a successful mediator? This is not important. The most important is that you work for people.
Is mediation in the United States free of charge?
Every country has its set of rules. In Jordan, for example, the mediation is free of charge and obligatory according to the family law. Actually everything depends on the region. Family mediation cuts down the cost in every possible way as mediation reshapes old patterns and offers numerous positive ways of preventing problems in relationships.
How has your professional work proved to be beneficial in your private life and business?
(laughter) I learn every day. Not so long ago I was still a lawyer. I can say that I am extremely happy, actually personally satisfied, to do what I do. I am thankful that I can travel around the world and share with others what I had learned. Every time I learn something new and I try to include all what I discover in my private life. I believe that if you are full of hate and if you scream, you cannot communicate successfully. I do not do this anymore because it is a total waste of time and energy. I want to establish a dialogue, but that does not mean that I agree with everybody and that everybody must agree with me.
If you look back on your career: which is the case that you are most proud of and is excellent to resolve arguments?
I think I will call it my "ah ha" moments when I teach students and they see the light of understanding. I find that educating the future generation is of extreme significance. Meditation will certainly become more and more popular. When I teach my students, create simulations and role-plays, I can really notice their awareness and transformation. I can hear them say: "Yes, now I understand this process!" These are the moments that I am most proud of.
Were there also moments when you looked at the mediation and said to yourself: "Nothing could work here."
Very often. (laughter) I had cases when the clients entered the room and one wanted 6 million dollars, while the other was prepared to offer only 10.000. I reached the agreement, because I managed to persuade the clients to talk about their interests from other's point of view, not only financial. I achieved that they reshaped the cooperation contract. When you focus the attention of the client to his/her interests you have many possibilities to find the solution, which is suitable for both sides.
In conflicts we often generalize one´s negative characteristics and say that people are unkind and difficult. What do you think about people? Are we prone to peace or war?
I am firmly confirmed that the human soul is made of love. You just have to look deep enough. I truly believe that main human characteristics are kindness and love. Is it difficult to find them in certain people? Of course it is! Sometimes you can never find them. But I truly believe in that every day and every travel proves my belief.
But we could stop wars by using mediation!
We will.
Really?
I am sure about this. I meet people like myself all over the world. We are becoming stronger and stronger and we all believe in peace. We are becoming more and more numerous. Maybe not soon, but some day we will stop wars.